For many of the children we see at Learn for Life, self-regulation is exactly the kind of skill families are hoping to support, whether that looks like big emotional reactions, difficulty coping with transitions, trouble sitting still during mealtimes, or finding it hard to calm down after an exciting or stressful moment.
Interestingly, a recent study following over 2,200 Australian children found that one of the simplest things may help: free play. Children who spent more time in unstructured, child-led play, like drawing, pretend games, or making up their own physical games, went on to have stronger self-regulation skills two years later.
It’s a reassuring finding, because it suggests that some of the most valuable support doesn’t need to come from a structured program. It can come from something as simple as protecting time for your child to play on their own terms.
What the Research Found
Researchers tracked thousands of Australian children over several years, looking at how much time they spent in child-led play, like drawing or pretend games, versus more adult-directed activities. The kids who had more of this free, unstructured play time went on to manage their emotions, attention, and behaviour better a couple of years later. The link was strongest for quiet play, but active, child-led play (like inventing their own backyard games) showed a similar pattern too.
Why This Makes Sense
When children direct their own play, they’re constantly practising the very skills self-regulation depends on. They’re deciding what happens next, handling it when the tower falls over, negotiating rules with a sibling, and figuring out what to do when they’re a little bit bored. All of that is quiet, repeated practice in managing themselves, their emotions, their attention, and their behaviour, all without anyone teaching it directly.
What This Can Look Like at Home
You don’t need to set anything up specially for this kind of play to happen. In fact, that’s almost the point. It often looks like:
- A toddler stacking blocks, knocking them down, and starting again without anyone stepping in to “help”
- A preschooler telling themselves a story while they draw, even if the plot changes three times halfway through
- Kids turning cushions and furniture into an obstacle course with rules only they understand
- Siblings inventing a game, arguing about the rules, then changing them, then arguing again
- A child wandering the backyard poking at sticks and watching ants, seemingly doing “nothing” at all
The hardest part for us as adults is often resisting the urge to jump in, correct, or redirect. It can feel like time that should be filled with something more useful. But based on this research, the most useful thing might simply be stepping back and letting your child stay in charge of their own play, even when it’s messy, repetitive, or doesn’t seem to be “going anywhere.”
How This Connects to OT
This is something we see often in our work as paediatric OTs. Self-regulation isn’t usually taught through instruction alone, it grows through real experiences, and play is one of the most natural places for that to happen.
In therapy, this often means following your child’s lead rather than directing every step, so they get genuine chances to make choices, problem-solve, and manage their own frustration along the way. We use play as the therapeutic tool itself, not just as a reward at the end of “the real work.”
We also love helping families notice and protect the everyday play already happening at home, alongside any other strategies we’re working on together. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can offer isn’t a new structured activity, but support to understand what’s already working, and permission to let it keep happening.
Do Structured Activities Still Matter?
Absolutely. Sport, music lessons, therapy sessions, and other guided activities all offer valuable opportunities for learning, connection, and skill-building. This research isn’t suggesting structured activities should be reduced or replaced. It’s simply a reminder that free play deserves a place alongside them, not pushed out by an increasingly full schedule.
The Takeaway for Families
So if your child is happily lost in a made-up game, deep in a drawing with no particular end point, or even a little bit bored and figuring out what to do with themselves, that’s not wasted time. It might be exactly what they need.
If you’ve noticed your child struggling with big emotions, transitions, or self-regulation more broadly, our OTs would love to chat about how play-based support could help.